Just 10 Things
Let's be honest. Almost all of us hit lulls in our marriages. Little things build up into big things. Maybe we feel unappreciated or bored in our lives. Maybe our husbands seem to be less "knight in shining armor" and more "guy who makes clopping noises with coconut shells". Maybe you fight a lot with each other and the marriage really is disintegrating. Maybe we want just a little excitement, just a little rest, just a little....something else.
And let's be honest about this: We know this is our sinful nature starting to rear its head. We are good, godly women who have made a vow. We (hopefully) have no intention of straying, but we yearn for...something.
Do this: Make a list of 10 things you love or admire about your husband. It could be ANYTHING positive: the color of his eyes. How good he is at mechanical things. The fact that he provides for the family. The fact that he is a visionary. That his hands are strong. That he is good with the kids. That he is smart. That he can sing. That he can cook. That he still invites you to go fishing. That he can build a fire. That he smells good. He has straight teeth. He never complains about what you cook.
You can also add a few memories that you love: when you were first dating and he gave you a flower he had picked in the field. The first time he said "I love you". Seeing him sweaty and handsome mowing the lawn. Seeing him hold your child on his shoulders. That one time he stood up for you. That one time he cleaned the kitchen. That time he brought you ice cream when you had strep. That he always makes sure the bills are paid.
Whatever. Just list 10 things. WRITE THEM DOWN.
Then read them EVERY morning and EVERY evening (and anytime you start feeling discontent). Not just read, but THINK about them. PRAY about them and him. Ask the Lord to help you see your husband anew. Really make it your mission to appreciate him like you did when you were dating.
[You might even leave this list where he will "accidentally" find it. Now, if he does and asks you about it, SIMPLY SAY "I love you and was thinking about you the other day".
DO NOT NOT NOT NOT say "This lady on the website said I should make a list of 10 things I love about you if I am feeling discontent in my marriage." <face palm>]
Just think of how you would feel if you came upon a list of 10 things that someone loved about you <3! It would be so humbling and make your heart tender!
And reading and dwelling on that list will make YOUR heart more tender to your husband too! Contentment does not come from getting new, shiny things. That is thrill--not contentment, not love. If you need thrills, take up bungie jumping or something :) (Only half kidding. Some of us are adrenaline junkies, and a new hobby is a great way to get a bit of excitement in your life without going through a divorce lawyer).
See, love is a choice. Love is determination. Love is practice. Infatuation and heart flutters are easy--those are hormone driven and are frankly more about us than the other person.
But love, deep love, takes time. It goes through rough periods sometimes--we all get tired. But it is enduring and amazing.
I can tell you this: Even if you feel the "spark is gone", don't fret! There really is something greater and sweeter than those rushy hormones (which, honestly, can come back with a greater focus on what he is rather than what he isn't). You can get back to being friends AND lovers. Your marriage can be even more amazing than it was at the beginning! You can be content and happy, and this is a first step.
*If there is abuse, seek safety immediately! Then seek counseling for you and your spouse--you will both need it.