Hey my friends! I was just telling you about how The Wonder Sweetie and I had a tense conversation and why--neither of us were able, at that moment, to vocalize what we were trying to say.
I am a pretty busy person. That isn't a brag. I honestly am ok with not being bus....
I almost did it again. I almost said "I honestly am ok with not being busy." But that's only partly true. The DEEP truth is that I am ok with not being busy if I think GOD is ok with me not being busy and if I think my FAMILY is ok with me not being busy and if *I* am ok with not being busy and if I don't feel like I am going to disappoint people and if everything is getting done and my family and friends are all doing well and there is nothing more I can do to help and.....
Today The Wonder Sweetie and I were talking about my level of busy. I was tired, weary in my SOUL. I told him it was because I was not being organized enough. He said it was because I had accepted too much to do.
But really what I needed to say, the truth of the matter, is: This level of busyness isn't bothering me. This level of feeling like I am about to FAIL someone and that I am not sure what God WANTS me to do is bothering me.
And THAT was the real issue, what I was trying to say and was not realizing it.
What he meant (and what he eventually was able to say) was: Are you happy with the amount of busy? That is what I wanted to ask you. Are you happy?
I am realizing more and more that tiredness comes from lack of sleep or not enough food or something.
Weariness, though, is from the soul, from the spirit.
It is a loss of sense of purpose.
Or it is a distance from the Lord (either perceived or because we are in sin).
It is an unresolved anger or bitterness we are harboring.
It is doubt.
Fear.
When I was able to go to the Lord and accept His love for me, confess my sins, and rest in His ability to make me to "will and to do for His good pleasure"...
When I was able to turn over every stress to the Lord, including finances, and say "You did not call me to fret about finances. You called me to do xyz. From now on I am going to be a good steward but I am NOT going to try to manage finances. You provide. That is enough for me."...
When I was able to reaffirm those specific tasks that He gave me to do (which will be different than the ones He gave you to do, so I wasn't going to list them)...
Then there was peace with Him and through Him and in me. <3
And I was happy <3